Thursday, 31 May 2007

Confluence

A Riverscape

Spring's magic water from underground
bright between stones
gurgles like children's laughter
waterfalls down rocks
tumbling in woodland where
young lovers stroll
and kingfishers dart

meanders through meadows where swallows
swoop and cows graze; farmers fatten
gently in houses behind the hedged
edges of the fields

factories spew poison from banks
constricted by concrete; gulls
dive for dead fish; masked
wizened figures drag
the river bed
for scrap.

flat estuary mud punctuated by lonely calls of curlew
and poor immigrants scraping a living from sinking sands.

sea to the horizon.


River for Poetry Thursday

32 comments:

polona said...

what a contrast in this poem!
alas, the reality is often just as grim...

Clockworkchris said...

Loved the whole poem. "gurgles like children's laughter" really brought a strong picture to mind. I love the word "meanders" as well. The twist in the 3rd stanza is very interesting. Good poem.

gautami tripathy said...

This indeed flows like a river. Some sentences stay in mind. Reality in third stanza onwards makes us sit back. Few phrases I really loved:

"tumbling in woodland"

"constricted by concrete"

"lonely calls of curlew"

Rob Kistner said...

Excellent Juliet -- I really was dran into your writing here, Well done!

Pip said...

"flat estuary mud punctuated by lonely calls of curlew
and poor immigrants scraping a living from sinking sands.

sea to the horizon."

I like these last few lines a lot. It's a sad reality, even here in 'clean green New Zealand', that we are killing so many of our rivers.

Reagan Pugh said...

¨meanders through meadows where swallows
swoop and cows graze; farmers fatten
gently in houses behind the hedged
edges of the fields¨

Absolutely lovely. Your simplicity has brought an even deeper meaning to your words. So very approachable. Thank you.

Remiman said...

Juliet,
Well done lady!
The river, beautiful and forgiving, but for how long?
rel

Pauline said...

this is a good analogy for the journey that begins with a springing from innocence, travels through indifference and struggle, and emerges in the endless sea.

Rose Dewy Knickers said...

Oh Crafty. Such a bright hopeful poem that ends in grim reality. (((hugs)))

Rose

xo

Becca said...

The contrast here is stark and telling - the bucolic setting to the destruction of "factories spewing poison."

As ususal, your poetry edifies and educates the reader - well done!

twitches said...

Interesting contrasts...

colleen said...

A sad contrast. I can hear the children laughing but see the factory smoke too. Very nice read!

Regina Clare Jane said...

Rivers have it so bad now- we are losing our wonderful resources! I like how you always remind us of how much we need to take care of nature!

pepektheassassin said...

What a trip!

Tammy said...

Wonderful poetry that takes us on a jouney of purity to disaster. This should be sent out into the world (published) for people to get the visual progression.

jim said...

A full brave sweep, all that a river will carry with it.

chicklegirl said...

You captured the full scope of what a river can be, shouldn't be--yet is.

paris parfait said...

That was quite an abrupt switch, from an idyllic rendition of the river's lovely qualities to the pollution and ravages. Brilliant!

Ron said...

The contrast is strong and makes the point even stronger! Well done. You've got our attention.

bookbinds said...

The poem really captured all the varied realties of river and how they affect the land and inhabitants around them. I found the second stanza particularly powerful,

"meanders through meadows where swallows
swoop and cows graze; farmers fatten
gently in houses behind the hedged
edges of the fields"

Jessica said...

I love the movement from a beautiful vibrant river to the dead dregs. I did find, though, the last line to be both hopeful and ominous. Lovely!

Clare said...

Your choice of verbs and images are very powerful and move your poem along in a very dramatic way. I really like this and how it goes from pretty and innocent to the reality of what is happening to so many of our rivers. Well done.

...deb said...

Some of my favorite words (such as confluence) and beings (such as kingfishers) travel (the structure and tempo work wonderfully).

I empathize with your image and admire your craft.

gel(emerald eyes) said...

liked this one a lot
many lovely phrases
and nice imagery

Crafty Green Poet said...

Polona, Rose - thanks for recognising the grim as real. Sometimes I feel I overdo it!

Chris - thanks!

Gautami - glad you think it flows like a river!

Rob - thanks!

Pip - yes it's very sad how we're all killing our rivers.

Reagan, Remiman - thanks!

Pauline - yes, although it is meant literally, there is an analogy in there too, thanks for noticing!

Becca, twitches, colleen, regina, pepek - thanks!

Tammy - I won't try to get it published in this form because journals often don't like poems to have appeared on blogs. Plus this is still a draft really, but thanks.

Crafty Green Poet said...

jim, chicklegirl, paris, ron and bookbinds - thanks.

jessica - yes I did want the last line to be ambiguous, glad that worked for you!

Clare, glad you like my verbs!

Deb, GeL - thanks!

my backyard said...

I was sucked in by the flow of the water and then the sadness of the grim reality at the end.

Writer on Board said...

Beautiful sad. Thank you Juliet.

InlandEmpireGirl said...

The flow of this poem is just right. My favorite lines are
"flat estuary mud punctuated by lonely calls of curlew
and poor immigrants scraping a living from sinking sands."
Beautiful word choice.

Crafty Green Poet said...

my backyuard, writer on blard, inland empire girl - thanks!

Molly said...

I love some of the word choice in this poem: kingfishers dart... nice, sharp.

UL said...

varying indeed, didnt know it could be done until this.. thank you.

UL