The path to the top was steep and rough
branches tangled in her hair
brambles tore her clothes
nettles stung her legs.
When she felt she could go no further
she reached a meadow
of honey scented clover
where butterflies hovered.
Undefinable blue like a new type of music
views of dense woodland
and wispy clouds
stretched out forever.
Under endless skies she wore white
and danced to the beat
of summer lazy birdsong
and humming bees.
Thanks to Brian for the line from his sestina style poem Remembrances of a Life which can be read here (scroll down to find it!).
The line I donated was 'sudden in the sunlight' from my poem Making of a Muse, which can be read over on my Alter Ego blog.
28 comments:
Hi Crafty,
I really like this poem and how the line is woven into the story. It's easy to get lost in the meadow.
Afternoon, hope all is well. Only two days to the weekend.
The first stanza works for me, it stands for more than just a walk.
I posted also for PT already.
Rose
xo
such a beautiful feel to this poem... love it!
Thanks for the line Brian, glad you like how it works in my poem!
Rose, yes ut us nore than just a walk...
Polona, thanks!
This is a "wish I were there under that blue sky living life," poem for me. Brian's line was woven in beautifully.
I can picture the scene well in my mind's eye and that is in all credit to your descriptive writing. Beautiful images. Nice poem.
You painted a beautiful picture. I enjoyed this poem. Thanks.
Great imagery. Brian's line works well here.
I too loved the imagery. Bringing in the humming bees at the end made it so real because I can always remember their sound (I'm alergic but it's so sweet.) "Brambles tore her clothes" also reminded me of childhood and going through the woods.
I keep thinking of and seeing the climb up Huntington Ravine. There are no brambles, no tangles, just rock and then, at the top, there is a field of rocks and the endless sky.
But here's the thing that got to me. I remember coming over the top of that ridge and seeing "endless skies." I did what might pass for as some kind of dance and then put my head down to catch my breath. When I looked back up the sky was completely gone and I was enclosed in a cloud that had swept over the summit of Mount Washington in seconds.
Hmm, I've gone a bit off the path here. But I blame you and your poem for taking me there. Thanks for the ride.
Good job! This poems smells good, too!
I sense this might be a metaphor for something, but it also works really well just on a literal level. It reminds me of many walks taken through brambles and scratchy grass to reach the open field or the great view. I like the line "Undefinable blue like a new type of music"
I used the same line.(Smile) Loved seeing the way you interperted it. All the detials made your poem come to love. I felt like I was there.
This was just so nice... I am glad she could dance after all the effort of finding the meadow!
I like how you really evoke so many different senses in your rendering of the meadow, "nettles stung her legs", "honey scented cloves", "humming bees".
i love the last two lines
"of summer lazy birdsong
and humming bees. "
makes me think of Alice in Wonderland in her golden afternoon.
i love the
solitude
that this poem offers...
i love the
solitude
that this poem offers...
apparently i loved it enough
to say so
twice
:)
I feel her struggle. What a relief to reach the meadow.
Juliet,
When a poem takes me, as yours has, to the place described and leads me into the place so as to experience or re-experienc a feeling , a sensation, then it is a terrific poem for me.
Perfect place for Brian's line to augment your line of thought.
rel
blue like a new type of music - i like that!
this is just wonderful!!!!!
XO
Kristen
"Undefinable blue like a new type of music" was my favorite, too. Spoke to my hiking heart.
This sounds like what the weather is becoming in this part of the world. Dance on. Brian had some nice lines to offer. It's true. You clothed this one well.
nicely done--to dance on the summit is life
Beautiful poem. You've painted a lovely picture.
I liked the last stanza very much.
Have a great weekend.
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