Tuesday, 20 March 2007

haiku - breath

spring breezes
scented with the first flowers –
breathe deeply.
***********************************

rapid breaths of fear
build up to a high pitched shriek –
mouse leaps, falls down dead.
Breath for One Deep Breath

23 comments:

Brian said...

Life and death in spring. Great contrast.

Jane Poe (aka Deborah) said...

What an interesting comparision between the two 'ku ... I liked it! JP

Robin said...

I like the contrast, too. Deep breaths & shallow ones. Very nice.

Kamsin said...

Yes, lovely contrast! Does it make me a bad person that I found the second one funny, with the image of the leaping mouse!

Crafty Green Poet said...

Thanks for your comments. Kamsin, no it doesn't make you a bad person, I would have probably found it funny at the time if I hadn't been so scared. (I am terrified of mice for some reason!).

1blkquill said...

Oh I can feel the second one. Fear always take my breath away. Great post.

Regina Clare Jane said...

Micies scare me, too...
The first one is so beautiful_ am breathing right now...

Sandy said...

The first is lovely, the second one I can relate to, just replace snake with mouse!

rhino said...

the first scents of spring are always wonderful...as are your 'ku

Mandy said...

what are you doing to that timerous beastie

Tammy said...

These were both lovely but I had to chuckle at my visual of you shrieking ;)

Liza Lee Miller said...

Nice -- I was so surprised by the second one after being soothed by the first! Great job!

Ron said...

Another great effort! I too felt the tension of the 'rapid breaths of fear', even the mystery of the mouse falling down dead. Amazing how you tell a wonderful story in three short lines. I guess that's what haiku is all about.
Thanks

gaby said...

There is a portugese poet named Fernando Pessoa. Do you know him? He said:
"O poeta é um fingidor... que finge a dor que deveras sente.
I will try to translate it:

" The poet is a pretender who pretends the pain he really feels"

gaby

Crafty Green Poet said...

Thanks for all your comments
Tammy - glad I made you chuckle.
Liza - maybe I should have put them the other way round to leave people soothed?
Mandy - I know, pooor wee timourous beastie....
Gaby - yes I know Fernando Pessoa, I love his Book of Unquiet, thanks for the quote.

hundred and one said...

I am still laughing over your second Haiku. Made my day it did.

jem said...

I think the animal nature in ourselves comes through when we scent our surroundings. Well observed!

getzapped said...

chuckle...

Star said...

I do wish those first spring blossoms were here in my area.

Such a laugh with the second :D

whitney said...

Lovely haiku! The contrasts are excellent! I especially liked the second one, even though it's not a very happy story :o)

jblack designs said...

I love your first haiku the most. So true, so timely, so lovely.

jb

gel(emerald eyes) said...

I like the contrast.
nice

Beaman said...

I like them both. My favourite is the second one. Upon first reading it seemed rather dark, probably after reading the first. The second time I read it I realised the humour of the Haiku and loved it.