Thursday, 17 July 2008

Endless skies

Distant mountains are blue in hazy sky
dead trees reach branches into endless sky

chasing insects, aerobatic swifts dance
never stopping as they caress the sky

people with umbrellas rush through the streets
as grey clouds move slowly across the sky

the town is surrounded by factories
pumping toxins into poisonous sky

scientists stare at their computer screens
as rockets launch progress into the sky


(for a more optimistic view, please feel fere to read the couplets in reverse order!)

ghazal for
Totally Optional Prompts
I also have a ghazal in the ghazal page Moon Radif Challenge, which went live today. The main page for the challenge is
here and you can read my poem if you scroll down on this page.
You can read my earlier ghazals
here and here.

18 comments:

SweetTalkingGuy said...

Hi Juliet, I really enjoyed reading this and your Moon poems. I wish I had seen them earlier as I really struggled trying the ghazal form and the way you do it opens so many doors. Anyway, I love the way the couplets work read in reverse order here too, thanks for pointing that out. Andy

maekitso said...

Great work. The reverse reading did leave me much more relaxed.

anthonynorth said...

Yes, feels much better in reverse.
I like it.

sister AE said...

reverse order may be a bit better, but those dead trees bring me back around to "down." of course, mind was a downer too!

thanks for all the moon ghazal links. I liked them also. looks like you are having a lot of fun with these.

Noah the Great said...

Excellent.

Lirone said...

Interesting to read the poem two different ways. I enjoyed the optimistic direction more, but certainly the increasing gloominess had its power... I wonder if you could repeat the first stanza (or something similar) at the end to get the beet of both worlds.

Lucy said...

That's one of the many beauties of ghazals, isn't it, the way you can reshuffle the couplets for different readings.

Good one!

missmays said...

well done! I enjoyed it both ways

Jenn: said...

I like the order it is in best. The one about the moon was wonderful too.

Raven's Wing Poetry said...

I like the order as is AND reverse. I think there is a message both ways.

Excellent write.

-Nicole

tumblewords said...

You have a clear vision of this form and it comes across so well in your work!

polona said...

i think you have mastered the form... this one works both ways, the reverse one being only slightly less disturbing

Janice Thomson said...

You do these well Juliet - you may have found another one of your forte's :) Both readings are wonderful; strength lies in the fact there is a message both ways.
I enjoyed reading your moon ghazals again.

Rabbits' Guy said...

Well either way, the freudian spelling slip was pretty right on for me.

"Please feel FERE to read the couplets ..."

mum of critters said...

forgive me for lurking and not commenting - i absolutely LOVE your blog but rarely know what to say! :-) but the poetry and the pics always touch something deep inside me

bevies-place said...

I liked reading them both ways but reading the couplets in reverse was definitely more optimistic.

I found this form of poetry difficult, so my hat is off to a master.

Anywho, I think my attempt is a little depressing as well Waiting for Daylight

-Bev

Stan Ski said...

I'll still look at the sky with optimism, especially at night.

my backyard said...

That's clever how it works in reverse.