Tuesday, 9 October 2007

Salt Girl

The first prompt at Totally Optional Prompts made me think of selkies - creatures from Celtic mythology who can transfrom from seals to humans. This is the poem I wrote, I 'm not sure about the second stanza - it feels too explanatory or maybe it just needs more work, what do you think?

Salt Girl

I walk the beach -
a seal follows me in the sea close to shore
deep liquid eyes of the salt girl trapped
inside, selkie waiting for a chance
to creep onshore, find someone to love
for a while before being lured back by the salt
pull of the tide

We are all salt
water of tears, pulled to depths
we don’t understand, our skirts
clinging to damp legs, hair
in our eyes, sand in our shoes
as we dance along paths that choose us
towards the sea.

31 comments:

just me - titration said...

I liked this one in particular. :)

Every time I read your poems I think I should write more....I still haven't (at least not lately) but...

Liza Lee Miller said...

That's really lovely, CGP. Very nice imagery!

Jo said...

I love this poem, especially the myth and magic of the first stanza. The movement is fluid and graceful and you have captured the tide in the rhythm. The picture painted is incredibly vivid and moving.

Rose Dewy Knickers said...

I like both stanzas Crafty. The first has the feel of the sea, liquid and flowing. The second has the heaviness of the earth, plucking at our clumsy feet.

Rose

xo

Janice Thomson said...

I like this pretty much as it is Juliet though I might have used 'chase' in place of 'choose' in the second verse, second last line...but that's just my own preference.
Also, to get away from the obvious explanation perhaps just changing the order of the words in the first line of second stanza to read "Salt are we all,/water of tears, pulled to depths..." - again just my own preference. I think this poem is most delightful.

Rethabile said...

Nice going. It reads well and, for me, keeps enough of its mystery away from the front pages.

Colorful Prose said...

This is poignant. I went in a totally different direction with the prompt (not up yet).

ana said...

I think it is brilliant!

There's a fluid mystique and magic in between the lines,

why the second stanza too feels right to me, but you are the poet, you would know better, after all it is your vision in play...

BTW where is this prompt coming from, I should participate too, I'm still hungover over the missing scribble from sunday..:(

Bureau of Public Secrets said...

For those who may be interested, many more Rexroth writings and translations are online at http://www.bopsecrets.org/rexroth

Enjoy!

Selma said...

" as we dance along paths that choose us..."
This is so Celtic.
Love it.

PixieDust said...

Both stanzas are vivid and beautiful... like Selma who commented before I must point out this line:

" as we dance along paths that choose us..."

This captures the essence of the entire poem.

:-)

my backyard said...

love it! you caught me right away.

...deb said...

I'm good with both stanzas, Juliet. I think they pair really well-mythic to physical; fantasy to reality. I stumbled a tad over "choose", too. But like the slant rhyme with shoes.

...deb said...

PS--you didn't post your link at TOP, did you? Lucky I wandered by :-)

Jo said...

Everything okay? You've gone very quiet......

audrey h. said...

Love this poem....wish i could write poetry.

KG said...

Hi Crafty--Just wanted to drop by and let you know about Blog Action Day, 15 October, for the environment. Details are here: http://www.blogactionday.org/

Bloggers can change the world for the better! :-) You and your blog are a natural for this.

Crafty Green Poet said...

Janice - thanks - its that line (with choose in it) I had most trouble with and i think it doesn't even make sense in the form it is. I'll need to change it, thanks for your suggestion! I'll think about your other suggestion too.

Ana - Totally Optional Prompts is a new prompt site for poetry! The link is in my post!

Bureau of Public Secrets - thanks for the link!

Deb, I have done now. I was out of town on the day for leaving comments on TOP.

KG - thanks for that, I had heard about it, but not made a note of the date.

Jo, I'm fine, I was out of town for a few days and forgot to let people here know!

Crafty Green Poet said...

Just me - thanks! Hope you manage to write more soon!

Liza, Jo, thanks

Rose, yes I wanted that contrast, glad it worked for you.

Rethabile - thanks!

Colourful Prose - thanks!

Selma, Pixie Dust - thanks!

sister AE said...

this is all about magnetism, isn't it? the pull to the sea, to the land, to love...

tumblewords said...

Mystical, magical. It takes me away from the realness of the day before it brings me back again. Nice loop!

Marcia (Mee said...

I like the second stanza, it feels true.

Lisa said...

I like the second stanza the best as well! It's a nice poem as is! L

Dick said...

Poetically, I like the idea of paths that choose us & it's a neat closer to this lyrical treatment of the selkie legend.

(Not sure I'm so keen on the concept as a life process, though. I hope that my choices have been impelled from within!)

tom said...

I think the path “choosing” is a better concept than the path “chasing.” It does feel a bit odd because we are being chosen towards the sea. I think reordering that line may be all you need to do.

...sand in our shoes
along the paths that choose us as we dance
towards the sea.

But I like it as is, too. :)

Crafty Green Poet said...

Tom - good suggestion there, it would clarify things.

Dick - thanks, its not really my life philosophy ...

Clare said...

Hi Crafty! This is a really beautiful poem -- I love the image of the seal/selkie with "deep liquid eyes" and how it "follows...close to the shore". I've seen seals doing this and it's really cool. I love the second stanza too -- wouldn't change a thing. I love the lines "pulled to depths/ we don't understand" and "as we dance along paths that choose us" -- really lovely.
:)

gautami tripathy said...

Both stanza work for me. Creates vivid images yet makes one think.

odessa said...

hi juliet,

love this one. its so magical and vivid. especially this line: as we dance along paths that choose us/
towards the sea.

i've always been pulled towards the water, so this works for me.

Crafty Green Poet said...

sister ae - yes magnetism, absolutely

marcia, lisa - interesting that you prefer the second stanza.

tumblewords - thanks

Crafty Green Poet said...

clare, gautami, odessa - thanks