Distant mountains are blue in hazy sky
dead trees reach branches into endless sky
chasing insects, aerobatic swifts dance
never stopping as they caress the sky
people with umbrellas rush through the streets
as grey clouds move slowly across the sky
the town is surrounded by factories
pumping toxins into poisonous sky
scientists stare at their computer screens
as rockets launch progress into the sky
(for a more optimistic view, please feel fere to read the couplets in reverse order!)
ghazal for Totally Optional Prompts
I also have a ghazal in the ghazal page Moon Radif Challenge, which went live today. The main page for the challenge is here and you can read my poem if you scroll down on this page.
You can read my earlier ghazals here and here.
Hi Juliet, I really enjoyed reading this and your Moon poems. I wish I had seen them earlier as I really struggled trying the ghazal form and the way you do it opens so many doors. Anyway, I love the way the couplets work read in reverse order here too, thanks for pointing that out. Andy
ReplyDeleteGreat work. The reverse reading did leave me much more relaxed.
ReplyDeleteYes, feels much better in reverse.
ReplyDeleteI like it.
reverse order may be a bit better, but those dead trees bring me back around to "down." of course, mind was a downer too!
ReplyDeletethanks for all the moon ghazal links. I liked them also. looks like you are having a lot of fun with these.
Excellent.
ReplyDeleteInteresting to read the poem two different ways. I enjoyed the optimistic direction more, but certainly the increasing gloominess had its power... I wonder if you could repeat the first stanza (or something similar) at the end to get the beet of both worlds.
ReplyDeleteThat's one of the many beauties of ghazals, isn't it, the way you can reshuffle the couplets for different readings.
ReplyDeleteGood one!
well done! I enjoyed it both ways
ReplyDeleteI like the order it is in best. The one about the moon was wonderful too.
ReplyDeleteI like the order as is AND reverse. I think there is a message both ways.
ReplyDeleteExcellent write.
-Nicole
You have a clear vision of this form and it comes across so well in your work!
ReplyDeletei think you have mastered the form... this one works both ways, the reverse one being only slightly less disturbing
ReplyDeleteYou do these well Juliet - you may have found another one of your forte's :) Both readings are wonderful; strength lies in the fact there is a message both ways.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your moon ghazals again.
Well either way, the freudian spelling slip was pretty right on for me.
ReplyDelete"Please feel FERE to read the couplets ..."
forgive me for lurking and not commenting - i absolutely LOVE your blog but rarely know what to say! :-) but the poetry and the pics always touch something deep inside me
ReplyDeleteI liked reading them both ways but reading the couplets in reverse was definitely more optimistic.
ReplyDeleteI found this form of poetry difficult, so my hat is off to a master.
Anywho, I think my attempt is a little depressing as well Waiting for Daylight
-Bev
I'll still look at the sky with optimism, especially at night.
ReplyDeleteThat's clever how it works in reverse.
ReplyDelete