From a box in her bedroom,
Lynn takes a favourite plastic bag,
smoothes it flat,
enjoys its sheen and texture,
sniffs a plastic bottle,
admires its pleasing curves.
Many people collect great piles of plastic –
you’re sure to have
a hoard of carrier bags -
But only Lynn appreciates
throwaway plastic as art.
(recycled from years ago, poetically not up to much, but there's an interesting idea in there that I may try to incorporate into a better poem).
I like the title. It does have promise.
ReplyDeleteI understand what you mean, however, so far the images and impact you've already created do it for me. I think I can picture her so clearly so may be even more simplicity would add to the power rather than attempt to re-craft it in a way that you think would make it a 'better' poem.
ReplyDeleteI think you're right about it being a base for a poem. Good starting images.
ReplyDeleteOn a slightly similar theme...throwaway art...thought you might be interested in this:
http://thealteredpage.blogspot.com/2009/02/disintegration-manifestation.html
This made me laugh because it reminded of my friend's husband who can't resist a piece of pipe, a hinge, or bolt.
ReplyDeleteI think it's a great idea to have a curator of throwaway art. Or maybe even millions of them.
ReplyDeleteI've seen the garages and basements of plenty of throw-away art curators!
ReplyDeleteNice poem ..It keeps thinking on amount of bags that we keep
ReplyDeleteA nice tone and character to the piece - and it feels like it could go in lots of different directions. I think there is something quite story-like about it too.
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of a favorite plastic bag. There's the suggestion of important memories knonw only to her.
ReplyDeletei agree with you that this draft has a lovely idea behind it and i also enjoyed how lynn relishes the plastic art. what (imho) does not work is the explanatory second and last part. the title is great, and we all know about plastic bags and how they magically accumulate everywhere and how common and forgettable they are, so the explanation is not needed. maybe more detail, the shape and shade of the bottle, or the flimsy pastic skin from around a pack of cigarettes, maybe extend her collection and let the reader take a tour. fingertips, nose, eyes. i would love to see the next draft(s) / versions... nudge me when you post them ok? thanks!
ReplyDeleteThanks everyone for your feedback.
ReplyDeleteLiZZie, when I try to improve poetry simplification is usually the route i take, so you're definitely right there!
Gordon - thanks for the link
a.c.b - yes, you're probably right too