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Tuesday, 20 March 2007

haiku - breath

spring breezes
scented with the first flowers –
breathe deeply.
***********************************

rapid breaths of fear
build up to a high pitched shriek –
mouse leaps, falls down dead.
Breath for One Deep Breath

23 comments:

  1. Anonymous1:47 pm

    Life and death in spring. Great contrast.

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  2. What an interesting comparision between the two 'ku ... I liked it! JP

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  3. Anonymous2:16 am

    I like the contrast, too. Deep breaths & shallow ones. Very nice.

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  4. Yes, lovely contrast! Does it make me a bad person that I found the second one funny, with the image of the leaping mouse!

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  5. Thanks for your comments. Kamsin, no it doesn't make you a bad person, I would have probably found it funny at the time if I hadn't been so scared. (I am terrified of mice for some reason!).

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  6. Oh I can feel the second one. Fear always take my breath away. Great post.

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  7. Micies scare me, too...
    The first one is so beautiful_ am breathing right now...

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  8. Anonymous6:04 pm

    The first is lovely, the second one I can relate to, just replace snake with mouse!

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  9. the first scents of spring are always wonderful...as are your 'ku

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  10. what are you doing to that timerous beastie

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  11. These were both lovely but I had to chuckle at my visual of you shrieking ;)

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  12. Nice -- I was so surprised by the second one after being soothed by the first! Great job!

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  13. Anonymous2:14 am

    Another great effort! I too felt the tension of the 'rapid breaths of fear', even the mystery of the mouse falling down dead. Amazing how you tell a wonderful story in three short lines. I guess that's what haiku is all about.
    Thanks

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  14. There is a portugese poet named Fernando Pessoa. Do you know him? He said:
    "O poeta é um fingidor... que finge a dor que deveras sente.
    I will try to translate it:

    " The poet is a pretender who pretends the pain he really feels"

    gaby

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  15. Thanks for all your comments
    Tammy - glad I made you chuckle.
    Liza - maybe I should have put them the other way round to leave people soothed?
    Mandy - I know, pooor wee timourous beastie....
    Gaby - yes I know Fernando Pessoa, I love his Book of Unquiet, thanks for the quote.

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  16. Anonymous12:53 pm

    I am still laughing over your second Haiku. Made my day it did.

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  17. I think the animal nature in ourselves comes through when we scent our surroundings. Well observed!

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  18. I do wish those first spring blossoms were here in my area.

    Such a laugh with the second :D

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  19. Lovely haiku! The contrasts are excellent! I especially liked the second one, even though it's not a very happy story :o)

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  20. I love your first haiku the most. So true, so timely, so lovely.

    jb

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  21. Anonymous12:30 pm

    I like the contrast.
    nice

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  22. I like them both. My favourite is the second one. Upon first reading it seemed rather dark, probably after reading the first. The second time I read it I realised the humour of the Haiku and loved it.

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